Finding Balance: A Christian Father's Perspective on Stoicism
It’s been a while since I posted…sorry about that, we’ve been hard at work launching the new site, but here I am back behind the keyboard making with the clickety clacks, as my whole world is in front of me watching Oliver and Company. Rylan is on his fourth viewing this weekend (my brain is constantly playing a looped mix of theme songs from the Minno Laugh and Grow Bible, Bible Man the Animated Adventures, and Billy Joel slowly eroding my sanity). That said… Oliver and Company has always been my favorite animated Disney film.
I know the film is full of music and fun, but also there are some lessons to be grasped for my little dude. Be it Oliver’s resilience in the face of adversity or Dodger’s sense of duty and responsibility, the way the gang maintains their dignity and make the best of their situation despite the circumstances, the way Fagin still chooses to do the right thing even though Sykes absolves him of his debt… as I ponder the themes and how they might shape my young son’s character it strikes me how much Stoicism is on display in these characters and in this story. And thus here we are… as Rita ironically belts out “Streets of Gold” I'm reflecting on this philosophical tension… as one does right? The growing attraction to Stoicism among Christian men, particularly fathers, gives me pause… not least because I've felt its pull myself.
The Intersection of Stoic Philosophy and Christian Thought Isn't New
When Paul stood at the Areopagus… you know, the famous Mars Hill incident (Acts 17:16-34), he engaged with Stoic philosophers, even quoting their poets in verse 28, “ ‘For in him we live and move and have our being. As some of your own poets have said, ‘We are his offspring’”. Paul does this to build a bridge to the Gospel. Where they saw an unknown god, Paul flipped the script and proclaimed the personal, sovereign Lord.
Just last week, as I was dealing with Rylan… pulling a Rylan.. I caught myself falling into pure Stoic reasoning: "Calm down buddy, find your center.” It sounds like the right thing to say, right? It’s how I’ve been conditioned to handle my emotions… “Control your response, emotions are a choice, no one is responsible for my reactions but me, maintain composure". While these aren't bad principles, per se, I realize I operate from a position of self-reliance rather than God-dependence. And as a result, I end up exploding in rage as my reliance on self is a reliance on a weak flesh and a simple mind. Instead, I needed to model what David expressed in Psalm 62:5: "For God alone, O my soul, wait in silence, for my hope is from him."
When Kairi comes to me with her fears about school, or some middle schooler on the bus.. or at the skating rink saturday when she was worried about the kid in the Zimmerman hat and if he was making fun of her… my instinct is often to echo Seneca: "We suffer more often in imagination than in reality." While there's truth there, I'm learning to instead point her to 1 Peter 5:7: "Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you." The difference is HUGE! One philosophy offers cold comfort, while our Father offers warm embrace.
The Allure… and the DANGER of Stoicism
Marcus Aurelius wrote, "Very little is needed to make a happy life; it is all within yourself, in your way of thinking." This sentiment resonates with many of us seeking stability in chaotic times. However, as I hold this against Paul's words in Philippians 4:13, "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me," the fundamental contrast becomes clear.
The danger lies not in Stoicism's practical wisdom, but in its underlying assumption of self-sufficiency; how we respond to our circumstances.
When Epictetus teaches, "The chief task in life is simply this: to identify and separate matters so that I can say clearly to myself which are externals not under my control, and which have to do with the choices I actually control," it sounds remarkably practical. But Jesus says, in John 15:5: "Apart from Me you can do nothing." The Stoic pursuit of self-mastery fundamentally opposes the Christian understanding of complete dependence on God.
The stoics write that "We cannot choose our external circumstances, but we can always choose how we respond to them.” The biblical perspective goes deeper; Scripture teaches "Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding". Our response should flow from dependence on God, not self-reliance.
The Stoic focus on self-sufficiency as "the ultimate virtue" directly contradicts biblical truth. The Bible declares, "But they who wait for the LORD shall renew their strength", pointing to God as the source of all strength and virtue.
Rather than seeking self-sufficiency, Scripture calls us to God-dependency. "God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble". This is not weakness, but rather the path to true strength through submission to and reliance on our Creator.
The Christian life isn't about mastering ourselves through force of will, but about surrendering to the One who masters us through His grace and power.
How do we Find the Biblical Balance
In those moments when Micah (coming soon!) keeps us up all night and Tiff and I are running on empty, Epictetus would tell us "It's not what happens to you, but how you react to it that matters." But I'm learning I need to lean into James when he says, "Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance."
Marcus Aurelius says "Accept the things to which fate binds you." But as I look at my beige brigade, I want them to know something far more powerful… Romans 8:28: "And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him." This isn't mere acceptance, it's triumphant hope.
A Father's Prayer
As I navigate this journey of fatherhood, I'm grateful for the wisdom of the Stoics. Their insights into human nature and self-discipline aren't worthless… in fact they’re common grace gifts from God. But I want more for my children. When Rylan faces disappointment, when Kairi encounters injustice, when baby Micah cries in the night, I want them to know more than self-reliance. I want them to know the God who "neither slumbers nor sleeps" (Psalm 121:4).






